I keep having suicidal thoughts.... help! :(?

im 14 year old.... i have ocd ( obsessive compulsive organizer ) , my family is fighting.... my life sucks.. i dont really have a social life out of school.. my mom favors my brother and nephews and i gt little or no attention.. my best friend and i r graduateing in 5 days and hes going to a different high school my girl best friend hates me cuz i had her mom break her and her bf up cuz he was a piece o grabage who was a perv.. i just want to spend my life on the ocean.. like on a oceanliner.. i would do any job as long as i got my own little cabin and made cool friends.. but that woont even be possiblee till im 18 and then i need 2 year colledge and thats 6 years... i have suicidal thoughts every day but i cant tell me mom because this has never happened before and i cant even tell if this is real or if its something that just happens to everyone and if she will hate me or something.. i want to live with my dad but the last time i asked to my mom hated me for like 2 months and gave me the guilt trip so i couldnt cuz i cannot hav my mom hate me its just i cant....... plz help because if i find a easy way to kill myself with no pain i wll do it cuz god isnt helping me even though i ask and ik ur supposed to help urself first but im confused and im his son how could he just sit ther and let me suffer all this time...